The Space Between Love and Like
Series 2: Week 1 – The Courage to Love Differently
We all want to be loved. But sometimes what we call love is really the hope of being liked, accepted, chosen, or needed in ways that make us feel safe.
In the series Living Authentically, I wrote about what it took to stand in my truth even when it cost me something. Learning to love differently asked me to carry that same honesty into my relationships.
There was a long stretch of my life when I thought loving someone meant saying yes, staying quiet, or making myself small to avoid conflict. I thought it was kind. It wasn’t. It was fear dressed up as gentleness, and it slowly pulled me away from myself.
Over time, I began to see that the space between love and like is where we lose our footing. We try to keep peace instead of building connection. We work so hard to hold the relationship together that we stop noticing what it’s costing us.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that love can exist even where boundaries are required. You can love someone deeply and still say, “This isn’t okay.”
When I first started setting boundaries in my own family, nothing about it felt natural. Everything in me wanted to go back to what I knew. I had been raised to believe that love meant staying, forgiving, and keeping everyone close no matter the impact. But I’ve learned that love built on guilt, fear, or control isn’t love at all. It’s unhealthy attachment that looks like love on the surface but keeps everyone in the same old patterns.
Some relationships, no matter how much we care, aren’t safe or steady places for love to grow. That truth is rarely easy, but it can be freeing if you let it settle in. And I understand how hard it is. There are so many reasons we stay — love, hope, habit, history, or even the fear of starting over — and sometimes all of those at once. But awareness is what eventually helps us choose our way forward.
Love without self-respect isn’t love. It’s self-abandonment dressed up as devotion.
The more I practice loving from a place of truth, the more I notice that love rooted in alignment, not obligation, feels quieter but stronger. It doesn’t try to fix anyone. It doesn’t push. It doesn’t persuade. It allows.
Loving differently also means holding space for honesty and collaboration. Real love accepts people for who they are and still feels safe enough to talk about what isn’t working. Healthy relationships take time, patience, and willingness. They ask both people to blend their lives without losing themselves. And when two people choose that kind of growth, it’s beautiful. But when you’ve given time, space, and genuine effort, and still know in your heart that it’s not right for you, love may ask you to walk away — not out of anger, but out of love for yourself and the life you’re trying to build.
That’s the balance I’m still learning — to stay open, speak honestly, and honor both connection and self-respect. That, to me, is the courage to love differently.
Reflection Prompts:
1. Where have you confused being liked with being loved?
2. What signs tell you a relationship is costing more than it's giving?
3. What would loving differently look like in your life right now?
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